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A funny joke
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Dog of war



Joined: 02 Feb 2007
Posts: 194
Location: Unleashing the dogs of war

PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 9:41 am    Post subject: A funny joke Reply with quote

Little billy doing bad at school, so his mum and dad send him 2 a catholic school. after 2 month's he starts getting top marks in every subject, mum asks 'why are you doing so well' he replies 'the 1st day i walked into school and saw that poor fucker nailed to that cross i knew they didn't fuck around'
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Brian



Joined: 29 Aug 2007
Posts: 125
Location: Stevensville, Michigan USA

PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 8:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's one a little better

A cop on the beat finds an old drunken bum asleep on the sidewalk and awakens
him saying 'wake up and go home' but the old man is still drunk and mumbles
so the cop asks him what his name is --and the bum says "I'm Jesus Christ."

The cop spiritually disgruntled snaps back "alright that'll be enough of that--"
but the bum insists "no really--I am Jesus Christ. You don't believe in me..?"
"No." says the cop--almost ready to take the bum to the drunk tank. The old man
says "--Look, I'll prove it to you.. Follow me right over there.." pointing across
the street.

So the cop follows him a cross the street and in through a doorway of the local pub,
and the bartender across the room looks up and says quite convincingly--
"Jesus Christ. Not you again..
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Dwylbtzle



Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 4483
Location: Sun Valley, Idaho

PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 10:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

concerning jesus christ:

"nigger owes me twelve bucks"
-chris rock's charactor in the film DOGMA

"i TOL' that boy...you go messin' around with them jews
with no money
they gonna NAIL yer ass!"

-richard prior
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Dog of war



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PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 11:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Both funny
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Dwylbtzle



Joined: 26 Jan 2007
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Location: Sun Valley, Idaho

PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What's a blonde's mating call?

I think I'm drunk. ...
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STROBE



Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 333
Location: BIG SKY MONTANA where the bad girls live.

PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 10:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

MONTANA FORE-PLAY: GIT IN THE TRUCK,BITCH ! Laughing

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bring him back to life.

The aged and withered hand, shaking made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

Oh, I sure am happy to see you," the little boy said to his
grandmother on his mother's side. "Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us." The grandmother was curious "What trick is that?" she asked. "I heard him tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again," the little boy answered.

Due to an electrical outage, only one paramedic came to help. Handing his flashlight to 4 yr old Katy, he asked her to shine the light on her mom so he could deliver the baby. Finally after much groaning and pushing, newborn Davey pushed out. Grabbing the baby by his heels, the paramedic slaps the infant on his behind, at which the baby cries loudly.

"Well now Katy, what do you think of what you saw here?" he asked.

"Well, Katy replies, "he shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place - Slap his ass again!"
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Dwylbtzle



Joined: 26 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hillary Clinton's OB-GYN

Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After the exam, the OB-GYN told her that she was pregnant, and in great shape. Hillary couldn't believe the news and stormed out of the office. She rushed to her limo and picked up the phone to call the Oval Office.

"You got me pregnant! How could you be so careless?" There is a silence on the other end. Finally, she hears Bill's voice.

"Who is this?''
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STROBE



Joined: 26 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No doubt...bet he hasnt laid her since college Laughing
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Dwylbtzle



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PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 6:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeah
the massive bimbo eruptions have been documented as going all the way
back to when they were in the governor's house in Arkansas

that's why she doesn't have much claim on being THE LIBERATED WOMAN
everything has been either riding on bill's coat-tails
or hanging on for the power
long after any liberated woman woulda dumped him

and now she feels like the DEAL was: she would shut up and stick with him
for political reasons
and then she would get the white house

**********************************


KFC: Our Daily Chicken

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer.

Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. 'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!''

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STROBE



Joined: 26 Jan 2007
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Location: BIG SKY MONTANA where the bad girls live.

PostPosted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 12:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

IN RESPONCE TO YER BILLARY COMMENTS:
The key problem for Hillary's campaign is that normal people reel back in horror at her association with the Clinton administration.

If Hillary could run exclusively on her record since becoming a senator from New York, she'd be a relatively moderate Democrat who hates the loony left -- as we found out this week when a tape of Hillary denouncing Moveon.org surfaced. Think Joe Biden in a pantsuit.

But because of her unfortunate marriage, Hillary comes with a cast of undesirables like James Carville, Paul Begala, Terry McAuliffe, Joe Conason -- and of course Bill Clinton, along with his trusted impeachment manager Larry Flynt. Buy one, get the entire dirt-bag collection free!
No one wants those people back.

Even semi-respectable Democrats look sleazy by their association with the Clintons. No serious Democrat defended Clinton over his "presidential kneepads" incident with Monica Lewinsky. OK, that's not including adult film star Ron Jeremy, if you consider him a serious Democrat. Which I do.

That's why cable TV producers had to call in the O.J. defenders to flack for Clinton during his impeachment. Any Democrats still clinging to Hillary at this point appear to be soulless climbers desperate for jobs in the next administration.

So repellent are Bill Clinton's friends (to the extent that a sociopathic sex offender with a narcissistic disorder can actually experience friendship in the conventional sense) that B. Hussein Obama's association with a raving racist reverend and a former member of the Weather Underground hasn't caused as much damage as it should.

NOW FOR A JOKE:
The Purina Diet
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for Jasper and was in
line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!
I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting
The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying
it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it
works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified,
she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why
I ended up in the hospital.
I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car
hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
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Dwylbtzle



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PostPosted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 9:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why does Hillary Clinton Wake Up At 5:30 Every Morning?

To Make Sure That She Is The First Lady!
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STROBE



Joined: 26 Jan 2007
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Location: BIG SKY MONTANA where the bad girls live.

PostPosted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 7:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

NAW..she only wakes up at 5.30 a.m. because she hears Billy boy toy
sneaking in...she will never be his first lady. Laughing Laughing
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Brian



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PostPosted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jobs -- jobs --jobs.
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Dwylbtzle



Joined: 26 Jan 2007
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Location: Sun Valley, Idaho

PostPosted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 10:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You Know You're Canadian When:


You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda.

You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color.

You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

You know what a toque is.

You've plugged a car in overnight.

You've defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick because you don't own a gun.
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Dwylbtzle



Joined: 26 Jan 2007
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Location: Sun Valley, Idaho

PostPosted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 10:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok
somebody tell me what a TOQUE is Confused
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